Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sickness Super Combo

Poor Bean, he's been through the wringer lately. They say the younglings have to suffer through every bug and ailment under the sun in order to beef up their developing immune system, but at the rate Hunter is picking up illnesses he's going to have the constitution of Captain Marvel by age 2.

Upon being exposed to the grubby little rabble at his new day care (which he adores) Hunter has picked up a litany of coughs and sniffles, the latest of which lead to a fitful loss off his well learned sleeping routine.

The restlessness caused by that disruption lead to the little man attempting his daring cot escape, as detailed previously, resulting in a brief hospital stay.

And just to really put the boot in, whilst gumming all the interesting new toys in the hospital's waiting area Bean managed to pick up a nasty stomach bug. For the next week his tumultuous little tummy was violently expelling its contents in any and all directions possible. This was unquestionably gross, and upset the wee man to no end.

Worse still, the disgusting little bastard gave the sickness to me! So I've been sitting life out for the last few days, desperately replacing depleted resources, and watching that smug little man roll about feeling oh so much better.

To even things up I spread the Bean-plague to a few unsuspecting friends, but everybody is pretty much on the mend now, thankfully.

On to the next horrible disease, I guess.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A Portrait of the Escape Artist as a Young Man

While it is not this publication's desire to cause alarm within the public, we feel it our journalistic duty to report the truth in an unabridged and timely manner. It is with grave concern that we now inform you that the master criminal and escape artist extraordinaire, Hunter Beandini broke free from custody last night.

His jailers report that early last night, while the young outlaw was assumed to be sleeping, Beandini was in reality hatching a cunning escape plan. Piling his standard-issue bedding high in the corner of his cot, the lithe rapscallion ascended the walls of his quarters and dropped painfully to the ground below.

Dutiful and responsible as ever, the naive guards took his pitiful yelps to be genuine suffering, shuttling the miniature grifter off to the nearest medical facilities.

Little did they expect Beandini was completely unharmed, the stunt merely a beguiling ruse to once again return to the general population, disappearing into the bustle of new toys and nubile young nurses offered by the hospital. It took Prison authorities 4 long hours before they could retrieve the prodigious swindler and return him to his incarceration.

It is not yet known if any member of the public fell victim to the criminal's many treacheries during his flight, nor were the prison staff able to offer much assurance that we are safe from repeat attempts. One guard issued the following statement:

"We are doing everything in our power to ensure such an escape doesn't happen again, though what can we do in the face of such masterful trickery? Greasing the cot and/or installing a series of large metal spikes are some of the ideas we are batting around presently."

More as the story develops.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Beancave

I'm going to chalk the lapse in posting up to technical problems. That's a lie though.

Finally committing to a self-settling routine we have Hunter sleeping in his own room now. It was quite a battle (and still is some days) but we left him to cry for so long that his automatic-sleeping switch finally got flipped and he can now nap out in his cot without having an aneurysm. Most nights he puts up a few minutes of fuss and then sleeps blissfully for a large chunk of the night.

His room (formerly my room) is quite neat, but we haven't really finished setting it up. Initially we had planned on painting it some kind of baby-appropriate colour, but then decided painting was both expensive and boring. Instead we are aiming to cover his walls in as many stimulating trinkets of interest as possible.

Basically we want his room to be covered in things given to or made for Hunter by the people that love him, which is better than a lame coat of paint. The following is some of what we have up on the walls thus far, but we still want much more. Anyone that would like to gift something for Hunter's wall - it doesn't matter if it’s not traditionally a wall-mounted thing - please get in touch, we would love as many people as possible to contribute.

His Auntie Mariko Rainbow painted this colourful twin set specifically for Bean’s wall. Upon hearing about Project Beancave Mariko's natural hippy creativity was jolted into effect, and the result is a dazzling interpretation of the creatures found both around the world and deep within the subconscious.

In the top left is a picture taken by our horrifically talented artist friend Mhairi-clare featuring myself as a heavy-drinking, disgruntled carnie. The shoot took forever, but it was worth it seeing the beautiful, blown-up photographs she produced.

In the top right is a special piece produced by Uncle Paulie, another ridiculously talented artist. Stencilled meerkats featured rather heavily in one of is past exhibitions, but this piece he whipped up especially for Bean. And it's absolutely adorable.

Below that is one of Mama's many cross-stitch pieces, her chosen outlet of creativity these days. Lots of her work has a geek theme, this one features a Nintendo Wii remote and nunchuck attachment arranged in a big heart shape, with the words "Wii Belong Together" in the centre. Tragically awesome.

This is a picture of my main contribution, a collection of colourful 7-inch records in picture sleeves. Not terrifically creative I'll admit, but considering the amount of time spent tracking down these somewhat rare artefacts it's no slouch effort. Featuring some of my (and therefore Bean's) favourite bands; The Specials, The Pogues, The Clash, The Cramps, and Madness. More to come, funds permitting.

Up the top here we have another of Mama's deliciously geeky cross-stitch designs, this time melding two uber-dorky references together. The words read, "Instead of shooting where I was, you should have shot where I was going to be", sound advice for any Space Invaders player, but also a quote from a videogame-themed episode of the greatest cartoon of all time, Futurama.

Below that we have a dubious entry. This is a hastily written note that I wrapped in Christmas paper explaining to Hunter that I did in fact have a gift for him, it just hadn't arrived yet. At least he had something to open on the 25th. This monument to my own disorganised parenting style was never meant to be enshrined on his wall, that was his devilish Mama's doing. I'm confident it will come down.

Here we have one of Mama's less-than-subtle political cross-stitch designs, a female symbol depicting a defiant raised fist with the words 'Fuck Patriarchy' underneath. Crass? Yes. Awesome? Even Yes-er. Ironically the piece is surrounded by two of the galaxy's most badass patriarchs, Darth Vader and Darth Maul. I believe they are filled with bubble bath.

We have some other kind donations that have yet to be displayed on the wall, but rest assured I will post them here when that gets sorted. But we still want more! If you would like something for Hunter to remember you by affixed to his wall then please do get in contact. It can be anything; a painting, a photo, a letter, a poem, an item of clothing, a guitar pick, a limb, a postcard, a poster, sheet music, an ashtray, a dense single-act play; whatever you like. Send it up and we'll find a way to get it on his wall.

Take care all.

Saturday, March 7, 2009